Thursday, November 25, 2010

Gobble! Gobble!

Things I'm thankful for (both serious and don't hold it against me!):

1. J and I's lives...I sat last night thinking about this pain in my hip (More specifically, my SI Joint, that doctor's are telling me there's no cure for other than time...maybe.  Oh, and in addition...when I told the doctor we might be thinking about children in the future, I got this response: 'You need to start preparing yourself now mentally for the pain you may incure.')...anyways, back to last night.  My hip hurts...almost always...and it's from a wreck J and I were in 3 years ago.  Therefore, I am reminded daily that we are blessed to still be alive...had we not been wearing our's a pretty certain thing I would not blogging today!

2. I am sitting here at my sister's house surrounded by loving family and one set of my niece and nephew!  So I give thanks to my brother and sister for both making me an aunt!  Ha ha...I get all the fun and love...and then can dump 'em back off with mom and dad for the nitty gritty.  I also give thanks for all the warmth and love we get from all our family we are missing today as well!

3. I am not thankful for the Caramelized Cranberry Onion Cheese Dip I just made...thanks, but no thanks Oceanspray recipe!

4. I am thankful for this Miller Lite in my hand...(don't hold it against me!)

5. I am thankful that I just went made the mashed potatoes after my sister threatened to make them!  Nobody wants to drink their potatoes from a straw!

6. I am thankful for Karma...'nough said!

7. I am thankful for Jillian Michaels' '30 Day Shred' workout video and the 3-day 'pre-turkey fast' I've been on!  I've lost 4 lbs. to put on 10 lbs. I'm sure...but it's Thanksgiving man!

8. I am thankful for my husband!  He is what makes me complete.  Without him...I'd probably be in the middle of a field in the fetal position, rocking myself!  I love you 'Pete'!

Okay, well I'm thankful for a ton more things...but I'm missing out on all the action in the kitchen!  I hope you all out there in blog-ville are enjoying all the things that you are thankful for today as well and enjoying your Thanksgiving it Chicken Taquitos and beer (Thanksgiving 2007) or Lasagna (Thanksgiving 2008)!

Here is a random picture that I am posting from my sister's computer, since I'm typing this from KC:

My nephew Jude in his 'Cowboy Costume' with his best John Wayne look!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Google Analytics

I am so loving Google Analytics lately!  I have always wondered how people track their blogs to see who's stalking them...and now I know.  This whole time, I unassumingly figured my whopping 5 followers were the only ones who read my blog.  Then I added Google Analytics to my blog, and now I'm in the know!!!  For those of you unaware as to what this magic tool is, it basically allows you to insert an html code into your blog (behind the scenes) or website and does all sorts of cool tracking for you! 

When I first starting utilizing this tool over a year ago, I was able to see that other's were reading my blog whose locations all made sense to and friends that I have in other cities across the state and a few in other states as well.  Ahhhh, how cool am I?  No, really!  My blog is cooler than I thought!  SWEET!

I just recently looked at my stats for the first time in a long time and noticed that I have had readers from 5...F-I-V-E....that's FIVE other countries!  Now I'm like totally cool!  Okay, okay, I know some of you are reading this going, 'Wow!  She is so behind in times!' or 'What crappy blog stats, and she thinks that's impressive?!?!'  And to those I say, 'Let me have my moment people!  Your blog came from a smaller place too!'

Some other cool things that Google Analytics allows you to view:
- Custom reports that you can set up and have emailed to you.
- Customized goals you set up for your site and then track to see how close you are getting to reaching your goals.
- If people are accessing your site directly, from a different site, or even by what word was searched that got them to your site!  (Cool, I know!)
- You can even drill down to the city...and even the hostname of the computer the person used:  For example, I noticed that someone living in Round Rock, TX has been viewing my blog more often than even some of my family members (odd!) and was intrigued!  So I kept clicking and voila! was someone accessing from Dell Corporation!  How flattering...REALLY, I MINE IT!  The fact that my measely blog, which barely even posts on a monthly basis, and is mostly about lame family events in my life is interesting enough to be viewed multiple times a week by someone from Dell Corporation...touched, REALLY! (Insert sarcasm here!) 

Friday, August 27, 2010

Only in Claflin, America!

This is series one of God only knows how many posts about our new(er) hometown and the surrounding areas. You have to say ‘surrounding areas’ because it’s so small, it really doesn’t count without them!  (Keep in mind we've lived here now for a little over a year, but this post has been swimming in my mind since last summer!)

Insert Top 10 8 Reasons for Moving:
- Big City life ain’t our gig baby!
- Raising a family in our new(er) small town seems way more exciting to us…and our kids will    thank us…much much much much later!  They will, right?

- Material possessions nor money are as important to us as love and happiness!  (I know, it sounds so cliche, but is indeed true for us.)
- ACREAGE!!!  (Eventually we hope, that's another blog all together)
- FUN things like camping, hunting, fishing, floating down the rivers here!
- You can’t love the life you live until you start living the life you love!
- Change is good…for me at least…I leave it up to J to fret and stress over it…which my carefree attitude in life complimented quite well!
- Closer to ALL our family…except of course the two kiddos we left behind in the big city (I lived in my sis’s basement for a stint during all this…you can’t get much closer to family than that!) (BTW- I call my niece and nephew ‘my kiddos’…I didn’t actually leave kids of my own behind…gawh!)

Moving along…I have been dreaming up this ‘Only in Claflin, America’ blog for a while now, but keep forgetting the initial instances that made me want to blog about this…so I’m making it an ongoing series. This way I can post as they come to me and I won’t forget them. As promised, here is Series 1:

'Only in Claflin, America' would the local DJ of the radio station dedicate one whole day to playing only songs with the word ‘farm’ or ‘farmer’ in them in honor of harvest.

Only in Claflin, America would the street signs be white with purple letters because those are the H.S. colors (more of a reason for purple to be my favorite color!).

'Only in Claflin, America' would you find yourself purposely missing your street turn so that you can drive by the city pool because…they got new a slide installed! (I must go check out in person!)

'Only in Claflin, America' would the HS track still be sand/dirt…and only I would say, ‘Do they actually hold track meets here or is this just their practice field?’ and 'only in Claflin, America' would the answer, ‘This is the only track and yes, they hold meets here…’ be a valid one!

Only in Claflin, America do you walk back 7 blocks with a doggie poo bag to pick up your dog’s mess (the ONE time you forget to grab one!) so that your not the gossip talk of the town for the next month.

'Only in Claflin, America' does a story of the farmer who happened to grow a ‘Siamese Conjoined Cucumber’ make the front page:

And finally, 'Only in Claflin, America' do you know that school has 'officially' started when you can watch the H.S. Band practice marching up and down your street as you get ready for work.  Ahhhh, the sounds of fall!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Run Like A Mutha'!

This post is entirely dedicated to my big sis' (translated: I'll try really hard to leave the adorable niece and nephew out of it).  So two weekends ago, J and I traveled back to KC to hang with the family and more importantly to see my sis compete in her first ever Triathlon!!!

So, a little history first about this particular marathon:  My sister introduced me to this race and organization two years ago.  Back in the day when I was living in their basement, trying to sell our house, and trying to find a job to move to the middle of Kansas (literally!) all while planning a wedding, my sister came home from some 'free whatnot and have you' with this recipe for healthy smoothies.  She was so jazzed about them and was getting me all jazzified as well, going on and on about the health benefits, and how good they tasted, yadda, yadda.  So, she made us all some that Saturday morning for breakfast...what she failed to say is that they had spinach in them which turned them BRIGHT GREEN...and then we all found out what else they turned bright green later that day!  But they were really good and we were hooked. 

The cool thing (one of many) about this organization is that they host all these free and fun workshops starting like 6 months prior to the race to keep you energized, healthy, and enthused about the race.  So then we started going to all the these free things and getting free training manuals, fitness tests, etc.  It was awesome!  I got so excited, that one day I bit the bullet and signed up for it, thinking that would force me to not back out.  (Translated: Would force my sister to sign up to and do it with me!)  HA!  Have you ever heard of the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure?  And how they have a new box you can check called 'Sleep for the Cure' where you still pay the money for the cause and don't race?  Well, that was me!  (I could go on about all the very obvious reasons (translated: excuses) why I didn't, but luckily this post is for my sis!)

This year my sis signed up and I'll be honest, I was a bit hesitant about whether this was gonna happen or not...but then they got a membership to a gym...and then she started dropping weight like a crazy lady (FYI: She only has 4 more pounds before her husband has to wax his eyebrows!), and then I knew she was serious!

Okay, back to race day!  We all get up at 4:00 am, load a 4 year old and an almost 3 year old in the car, the bike, me, blanket, cooler, Gatorade 1,2, and 3 (or whatever the hell they have out now for training!), drinks, Oh...and let's not forget the signs:

Madi and Jude displaying their mom's sign!

And the sign I made for a girlfriend of mine that I worked with in KC, who also designed my wedding invites, and who also now has a deal with Hallmark for some of her art! (And let's not forget her teammate Kristin who raced with her also!)

We loaded up, drove an hour to Lake Smithville, got some coffee on the way so Shelly go get the 'nervous poops' out of her system, and then rocked out a little 'She's a Brick....Houuuuuuse' in the parking lot while unloading.  She danced, Jude cried, and yes...people stared.  It occurred to me then that we really should have thought about tailgating...(and later we saw people doing it!  So don't think I'm all that crazy!)

Shelly and her Sherpa (her husband) got her off on her way, and then I assumed the role of picture taker:

Ashley and Kristin; AKA: Team Jiggly Bits (And can you see the Hello Kitty balloon in the background?  That's Ashley's...she LOVES Hello Kitty and the balloons are so that you can find your bike on your way back from the swim...One thing our Sherpa forgot!)

Striking a pose before the race!

Loving the kids before the race!

Lookin' a little nervous before the first event

'Blowin' it Up' with Jude!  Go Mommy!

Trying to keep the kids busy before it got started!

Coming back in from the swim!

Ready to that she found her bike!  She had a slow transition due to a lost bike for a few seconds!

Coming back from the bike!  I like this one because the look on her face almost is saying, 'Oh shit!' and the whole time she was out on the bike part, The Sherpa and I kept looking at our watches and saying, 'She should be back by now!'.  We were getting worried and thought maybe she had a 'Grandma Attack' from the coffee and had to deviate!  (Come to find out, we were just wrong on her bike time!)

I missed her bike to run we just hung out at the finish line for her, and these guys were there to cheer people on!  I had to take a pic..there was pirate for Christ's sake!

Say no more about the tailgaiting part!


Victory Dance!?!?

Victory pose with the kiddos!

Victory Pose with The Sherpa!  (I made this pic XL so that you can get a good look at those eyebrows that are about to get a much needed 'Man-Scaping'!

And the victory party that night outside in the cul-de-sac.  The kids were playing tag with J (AKA: Matthew McConaugh-Hair!).  And no, Jude doesn't have to play with a helmet on...he was showing us his big boy biking skills right before that...and reallllly likes to show off the helmet!)

So that's that!  Shelly finished 255th overall out of I think it was 855 racers that started.  About 200 of them DNF'd (did not finish).  Her time was 1:26:54, which she was hoping for 1:30:00!!!  And her 5K, which was the last event was almost right at 30 minutes, which I find just 'Kick Ass Awesome' after everything else AND on hills!  Oh, and next year....I'm soooooo doing it.....and kicking her ass!!!  (Just a little sisterly love for ya!)

Friday, July 9, 2010

Photo Phriday!

Here are some pics I've taken recently!  I apparently have been fascinated with sunsets lately because that's all I have for ya:

This one was taken at Cheyenne Bottoms, about 5 miles from our house.

Also taken at Cheyenne Bottoms on a different date:
Shot 1

Shot 2 (Doctored a bit)

I little later:

And again:

This is a cool limestone post fence row that goes on and on for miles, and in such good shape!  This little excursion took us to the local restaurant in Galatia, KS...if you ever find yourself there order the 'Chips and Cheese' with a side of Tums!

This is a picture from our front porch right after a nasty storm passed through town and the sun was starting to set.  The tornado sirens went off during this storm...which just so happen to be in our BACK YARD!

This was taken somewhere in Oklahoma on a trip back with my mom.  Notice the multi-colored spot in the upper left was too cool!

Another one:

This one's my favorite!

This is a blood moon coming up during an 'Ag Tour' we took one Friday night scouting out all the bridges for our float trip the next day.

And again:

And this was taken somewhere in VERY WESTERN BFE, KS.  We pulled over on a dirt road for a...ahem...errrr....uh...restroom break and I just loved the pinks and the turbines in the distance!

So that's our life lately in pictures!  I know, I know, you're IN LOVE with them and want to move to closer to us right away don't you?  Okay, well just comment below and let me know your needs and I'll be your 'unofficial' realtor so long as you move here and be my friend!  I can even post more cool pics to sway you if need be!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Listerine Makes Me Pee

True story people!  Okay, let's rewind a lot first:

Back in the day when I was all young and growing up and such my mom would always have the most ri.dic.u.lous sneezes.  The kind that make you laugh when you're a kid because she looks so spastic and cringe when you're a teenager...because she looks so spastic.  I will now try and describe in words 'THE SNEEZE' to you all but really the only thing that would do it justice is a video (which I don't have but would have been great blackmail in my H.S. years!).  So first off, it was always a very quick and sudden long drawn out build up to her minute it what there and the next, gone in a flash!  However, in these oh so short seconds of her sneeze was an all out legs squozen together crotch keep her from peeing herself and this noise which I will try and type out: 'Uuuuuhh-choooo-buh-loob-uh-loob-uh-loob-uh-loob-uh-loob-uh-loob-un' (One can make this noise by holding the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth like you're going to make an 'L' sound.  Now make your lips into an 'O' as in the end of 'chooo', and then just stick your tongue out and back in over and if you're making googly noises to a little baby...and do AS FAST AS YOU CAN!  That last part is key to the whole thing really because it kinda causes your voice to go up a few octaves from normal.  (PS- I love my mom dearly and wouldn't be posting this, except A) She so gets me and my sense of humor and B) This is really something for memory-sake that should be written just so happens to now be written down on my blog!  Love ya momma!)

Where was I?....Oh!  So I always wondered why she had to grab herself?!?!  I think a few times I got the answer, 'Maybe someday you'll get it after you have kids.'  Well, okay, whatever!  (Still cringing at the time!)

Okay, so now let's jump to about a year ago.  (Side note that you must know about me for this to make sense: I sneeze...A one setting...and mostly from looking at the sun or stepping outside...if the sun is involved I have gotten 8 out before quitting...which, can I add, is so scary when this happens and I'm driving!)  Back to a year ago...I stepped outside, looked up at the sun, and sneezed.  A LOT!

ME: 'Oh shit!'
J: 'What?!!?'
ME: 'I just peed!'
J: 'What?!!?'

That was just the start my friends!  It has since gotten worse!  I now find myself trying to 'nonchalantly' grab myself to keep me from peeing.  And the kicker of it all is, since it's the sun that usually trips my '6 or 7 in a row sneezes'...I tend to have the most issues when walking to and from my car outside.  The other day I was in the Wal-Mart parking lot of all places (it's like the biggest store in Great Bend!).  The first sneeze is always a 'tester' sneeze to see how bad it's gonna be and if I'm gonna leak at all.  Well, this one was and I caught myself trying to slow down my walking while squeezing my butt cheeks together and walking with my legs slightly exaggerated (like models down a runway!) to hold it in!  Oh god, maybe I need to go look at People of Wal-mart and make sure no one got me on video!!!

So there's this sneezing issue right?  Well, I also have this other issue called: 'Oh.Mawh.Gawd. I'm turning 30 this year and my body feels so old!'  So now I'm all like, this a sign of old age?  I haven't even started having kids yet?  Oh.Mawh.Gawd!  What's gonna happen when I'm knocked up and sneeze???  EEEEK!  So I'm just calling the 'sneeze pees' a 'hereditary' thing!

Oh but wait!  It gets better worse my friends!  So, the other night I was washing my mouth out with Listerine...(Which might I add is the most FOUL-TASTING liquid ever invented!  But J insists that we only use Listerine, actually generic brand listerine.  Every time I use it though, it burns my mouth, singes my taste-buds, and causes an elaborate production in the bathroom that's worth popping popcorn for.  Oh god, it's dee.scuss.ting!  My mouth waters for like two minutes after I spit it out, so I have to stand there and hover over the sink repeatedly spitting while making 'mawh mouth is burning up haylp meh!' noises!)...back to the other was burning (as always), and I was trying really hard to keep it in long enough to wash my hands (from flossing...I know, it's very aggressive flossing!), so the water was running and the mouth was burning and I was dancing already from it all and then 'IT' happened.  An ever so slightly trickle of know....trickle!  What is my old, soon to be 30, life coming to people!

So the next day, I found myself googling, 'Listerine makes me pee' in hopes that it would make me feel better when I discovered 1000's of other people having this exact same absolutely NO AVAIL!  Getting old sucks!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

I'm a slacker!

Once again, I have about 15 posts that I started, saved, and then never got excited enough to finish and post.  I swear I've been trying though!  However, I thought it might be nice to try and do some quick recaps of events to catch everyone up in our lives.  So here are some recent conversations I've had:

Me: I'm naming mine Porky
J: Mine's named Brisket
(We are the proud owners of two baby steers!  We worked for.ever. on a fence around J's parents' pasture and so far it has held up and kept them in.  They will be fattened up until the fall and then sent off and 'magically' turned into yummy steaks for us.)  (My apologies to my veggie only friends!)

J: Unlock your car
Me: It is
J: No it's not, where are your keys?
Me: (Oh shit!  He's NOT gonna be happy about this one!)  Are they sitting on the front seat of my car?
J: *&%@#%$*!@&^
(That happened about 1 minute before we had to leave for KC this past Saturday!  It's the second time since we've lived here I have done it!  Luckily I'm in cahoots with our neighbor that owns the car shop in town and he rescued my keys in like 10 seconds flat.  AND, super bonus, he didn't charge us!  I made him brownies this morning and delivered them fresh out of the oven...go me Martha!)

Me: (answering door in my PJ's...again...but this time they were 'for real PJ's')  Can I help you?
Radar: Yes, I'm with the census....
(He was baaaaa-aaaack!  Radar dropped us another visit because they didn't receive the census form I filled out the first time!  Go figure...)
Me: You do realize this is not Bogue, KS right?  Bwah-ha-ha!!! (He didn't get it!)

Me: OMG!  It's so frickin' hot in this house!  I'm sweatin' like a fat kid at summer camp!
Me: OMG...if you don't turn on that AC right now I'm gonna FREAK.OUT!!! (PMS'ing)
Me: Jesus, this house is turning into a great weight loss program!  Sweety, I've lost 4 pounds this week!  Talk about sweat equity!
(Our (rental) house sucks...we went from $200.00/month gas bills to keep our house at about 60 degrees this winter to our one window unit A/C that keeps our house at about 89 degrees!)

Me: Hey guess what?!?!  I celebrated my one year anniversary today at work!!!
(Uh, that was last night!  Woot Woot!  One year since our move from the big city and they have yet to find me naked, in the fetal position, in the middle of a wheat field, rocking myself!  GO ME!)

Me: (to my 'Leadership Coach')  We can change that first statement I made about how I make assumptions all the time (I got better) to 'Kristy is an impatient person'.  (I had a self-discovery on the phone with him!)
Greg (my coach): LOL!  Some might consider that a weakness, but you know that can also be a great strength (he's so nice all the time!).
Me: Ha!  Next time someone asks me about my strengths then, I'll just say I'm impatient, I make assumptions, I procrastinate, and am late...ALOT!  Now let me tell you about my weaknesses!  (puh-lease!)

Said to Justin over the past two months:
Me: Guess what?  I hit a cat today on the highway.
Me: Guess what?  I hit a rabbit today on the highway.
Me: Guess what?  I hit a pheasant today on the highway.
Me: Guess what?  I freaking ROCK!  I just tied my bumper back on with bailing twine I found in my car while pulled over on the side of the highway.  Thanks for sticking that pocket knife in my glove box!  Damn pheasant!
Me: Guess what?  I'm a terrible person!  I actually tried to avoid it, but I hit a baby turtle on the highway today.  (I don't freaking rock!)
(I need a cattle guard on the front of my 1999 Nissan Altima!  Here's the deal though...I paid $2000.00 cash for it and when J hit the dog (he started this whole dead animal curse!) we got $1800 back from insurance on it.  The speedometer and odometer work intermittently so the mileage is not accurate...and my bumper is still being held on by bailing twine.  I fixed the squeaking in my removing the hub caps.  Oh, and a chisel won't even pry off all the bugs on the front worked for the fur though!  Needless to say, I made my money back on the beast and will be driving that thing until it dies!!!  Or until we have kids...and decide I need to drive something more durable for smashing into animals on the highway with!  Something with a cattle guard!)

That's all I can think of that's rattling inside my head right now!  Maybe now I can start posting more often!


Monday, March 15, 2010

Census Taker, Schmensus Schtalker!

So an apparent 'Census STALKER' visited our house this weekend and it went a little something like this:

I was sitting at home...alone (of course!)...sipping my freshly ground french pressed coffee (Thank You Mom!) while doing a little blog stalking myself when I heard footsteps on our front porch.  Waiting for our 'guard dog' to start barking, I continued to bloggle.  'What's that, no dog bark?!?!', I thought to myself...Oh, damn...J took her with him out galley-vanting around.  I was feeling particularly lazy that morning and just waited for the door bell to ring...hoping the person would disappear.  Well, it worked because the bell never rang!  About 5 minutes later, I hear footsteps yet again on the front porch.  Now I'm just mad that some person can't work up the balls to just knock on my damn door.  I looked out the window (closest thing to me that allowed for me to stay fully reclined and comfy) and noticed a big, old, red pick-up truck.  'Odd!  I didn't ever hear a big truck like that pull up?!?!  Perhaps I should go look out the window on our door'.  To my surprise, what do I behold?  Some short, scrawny guy (imagine Radar from M*A*S*H but skinnier and more confused looking) sitting on my patio chair and writing on a piece of paper on my patio table...  At the same time 'Radar' gets up to knock on my door I realize I'm in my pajamas still (Adidas warm-ups and a sweatshirt...don't get any crazy ideas here!  It's a lot what I look like when working-out minus the ponytail.) and children's cartoons are blaring in the background because I was so focused on bloggling that I lost track of time and apparently all reality.  So I quick-ran and put my hair in a ponytail (so he wouldn't think I was answering the door in my pj's) and muted the TV (because what stranger would know if I had kids or not to watch said cartoon?!?!), all the while processing the weirdness of what I had just observed.

So I answered the door, but kept the glass door firmly shut and shouted at him through the door (I say that like I had to shout because our house is so fancy with some super cool, hefty duty door!  Really, I could have farted and he would have felt the breeze...we still live in the crappy, 'arid', rental with a $200.00 per month gas bill and an average temperature of 55 degrees inside...yes that one!).  He showed me his little 'Census 2010 badge' and his little 'Census 2010 clipboard' (I guess to try and tell me 'I know I look like a serial rapist, but really you can trust me!').  And I showed him my little 'I don't give a f*ck what you have, you look like a serial rapist to me' look.

Oh, I forgot to mention...going back to the whole Radar look.  Take off the army camo. and add a full length black trench coat, black jeans, and hard core-shit kickin'-cowboy boots to accessorize his little 'Census 2010 badge and clipboard'.

He proceeds to explain what he's doing (hand delivering Census Forms...rrrrrriiiiight!).  I'm thinking, 'OMG!  They just ran a news story this week about how we will be getting a letter in the mail that let's us know that we will be getting our the mail...soon!  And how people were all miffed about the waste of paper and postage...yadda, yadda.'  (Like it mattered though...I only walk down and check our mailbox like once every two weeks...because who lives in a town so small that they don't have a mailbox directly on their property somewhere???...GAWH!')  So I am under the assumption I will be getting my Census in the mail right?  But, since I'm apparently a big girl now (it's my first official Census...FYI!!!), I have no flippin' clue how this shit works!  Not too mention, living in small-town-rural-america almost always trumps the rules of any sane assumption of lifestyles as I once knew them.  So I crack the door open enough to stick out my hand for the envelope.  When this conversation ensues:

'R': I just need to verify a few questions. (As he looks at his 'Census.clipboard')
Me: Okay
'R': Are you the primary residence holder? (AKA...Do you live here alone?  Are you alone right now?  Those pajamas of yours are hot!)
Me: No, my husband is.
'R': What I meant (oh, uh-huh, right!) was, is this the only residence here?  There's no apartment inside anywhere where another family may live?  (AKA...You're not harboring any small trolls in the crawl space are you?)
Me: (Laughing out loud at that one!)  Uh, no!  (Does he see the size of this house?!?!  Really???  It's like the smallest house in town!)...(AKA...You mean other than the rabid-stray-alley-cats that crawl in there purposely to waft their scent throughout our house...driving my huge guard dog that's chained up inside and about to eat you...CRAZY in the middle of the night just so that I can only get 2 hours of sleep?)
'R': Okay, all I need to do now is confirm the address on here.
Me: (You are standing...quite front of the numbers on my house and the street sign is in the corner of my yard!  Not too mention, I already heard your scrawny ass on my porch once today!  And now you're trying to tell me you're not sure where you are!)
'R': Okay, this is (insert street numbers and street name here)?
Me: Yes.
'R': And ummm, this is Bogue, KS right?  Or wait, no???***
Me: What? NO! (You IDIOT!)  You......arrrrrrre.....innnnnnn......Clllllllaflinnnnnn, KS (Very slowly and loud!).  (Where the hell is Bogue, KS???)
'R': Oh, right (awkward chuckle)...okay, well let me just scratch that out and write in Claflin here. (I'm about to rape you!)
'R': Well, but the zip code is right...67635???
Me: NOPE!  67525...completely off!  (How did this weirdo end up on my porch today?!?!)
'R': Oh!  Oh?  Okay, well let me just scratch that out and write in 67525 here.  (Damn, she's onto me!)

Blah, blah, blah...yadda, yadda, yadda...he gives me my census and leaves!


***FYI...I googled it...Bogue, KS is about 130 miles away from me!!!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Olympics What?

Dear work, husband, dog, 'Edward', laundry, sleep, loved ones I should be calling on the phone and catching up with, workouts, dishes, and blogs that I stalk on a daily basis:

I promise to return to you all just as soon as the Olympics are over.  But until then, I am using my new HD antenna to watch the Olympics (in HD! for free! bitches!).  During this time I will probably be screaming, yelling at the TV, waking up J (on accident), drinking a beer, and commentating Curling with the TV on mute (because if you've done it on a Friday night with friends, you know how entertaining it can be!).

I will be back soon though with the full ferocity, wildness, bloodthirstiness (seriously, it was listed as a synonym!), turbulence, and barbaric splendor (I can't make this stuff up people!) as when I left you.  Except for maybe the laundry and dishes...  And the bloggers that I stalk will really never know I left them!  ...And I was never all that 'ferocious' with my workouts anyways.  Well, and really there's no 'splendor' in my job(s)!  Sleep...ah-ha!...yes, you - sweet glorious sleep!  I rock at that (just ask J!  Tonight we talked about how if it were an Olympic sport I'd have the upper hand fo' shiz!) and will never let you down least not for another 4 years!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

All Things ♥'ed On Valentine's Day

Karma Ale : 'Good beer happens to good people'
♥ Taking care of my sweet (sick) valentine and loving him even more
♥ The old fashioned valentine I scored for J that let him know how 'swell' he was
♥ Homemade Bierock Casserole
♥ Winter Olympics on TV ***
♥ Creme Brulee**
♥ Our sweet puppy doggy curled in a cuddly ball
♥ Hot rice bags on our feet
♥ Chamomile tea
♥ Lazy winter day on the couch watching movies
♥ Yawwwn...going to bed early; loving my life

*** Might I just add that I am watching the Olympics in HD on my $38 HD Antenna without any cable installed in our house!!!  I freaking LOVE it!  We have all the major networks and like 5 PBS stations to boot!  Seriously people...$38.00 freaking dollars!  Go buy yourself one right now, cancel your cable subscription, and thank me later!

** It's been a Vday tradition to make Creme Brulee for J every year.  However, it must be the fact that he's ill that caused it to flop on me this year.  Or the fact I made it with only about half the actual ingredients the recipe called for...and I was drinking...and a few ingredients may have been dumped in the wrong bowl and cooked when they weren't supposed to.  They are in the trash now!  Karma: Good Brulee Does Not Happen to Good People!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Go Girl!

Okay, so I am not one of those people to support random products via my blog...unless of your course your name starts with an 'A' and rhymes with 'mazon'!  (I heart you Amazon!)  However, I must post this product that I ran into over at Divine Caroline because A) This is the most amazing thing ever and B) Any of you who know me well would know that I NEED this!

It's called the Go Girl and looks like this:
Below are the details from Divine Caroline:
Female Urinary Device

I might not want to be a man, but sometimes when I'm faced with dirty, disgusting, or worse, non-existent, toilets, I think it'd be handy to be able to pee like one! You Go Girl is a feminine urination device/pink silicone cup-and-spout thingamajig that you place against your body (forming a seal), and then ... well, you just aim and pee! No crouching or balancing required. It fits easily in your purse, pocket, or glove compartment, and you can dispose after use or clean and reuse.

So now that you all know I want one of these, you might already be assuming my issues with copping a squat.  It started out one day on a family road trip to go visit Big Brutus when I was like six and I had to go pee while on a hike in the woods.  My mom peed first to show me how it works and then helped position me in the correct 'cop-a-squat' stance.  I remember holding onto her (probably mistake #1) and asking her if I looked good to go.  She hesitated (mistake #2), but said yes (mistake #3)...and then I pissed all over myself...and my pants...and my underwear...and my socks...and my shoes.  We ditched the undies and socks in the woods and I rode home damp and smelling my pee.  I've been scarred ever since then.  The few feeble attempts I've only recently starting making at getting this cop-a-squat thing down resulted in a need to walk like a mile into the woods in hopes that no one would catch a glimpse of my insaneness.  Because once I pick a location, I then take off one shoe, pull my leg out of my pants and undies, toss them over to one side, throw my shoe aside so I don't pee on it, and then do my thing.  Now, I have yet to get any on me or my clothes, but as you can see, it's quite time consuming and embarrassing as hell.  I just get so panicky and sweaty when I find myself in a situation that I know will eventually involve peeing outside...which is often since we like to camp and drink!  Oh, what I would give for a Go Girl in these situations!  Hell, I'd probably flaunt it as if I had a boy part!  I could just see myself keeping the Go Girl in my undies with the little pink tip hanging out of my zipper...oh man!!!...I could go in the woods Whenever.I.Wanted!  Plus, if I had one of these, I could officially have a 'collection' of portable restroom devices since I already have a fold-able camping toilet: (Thanks mom for always trying so hard to get your little girl peein' in the woods!)
                                                           Foldable Toilet - Portable Camping Toilet

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Game On!

What a fabulous Saturday!  Do you ever have one of those Saturdays that you wake up early...naturally..feeling well rested and ready to go?  I did today...and that doesn't happen often!  I love me some sleepy time!  We've already 'been to town', shopped, and now I'm getting ready for the K-State vs. KU game:

Drink in hand: Check
Fresh strawberries, mangoes, and pineapple cut up and chilled: Check
Fresh veggies and homemade veggie dip made: Check
*Chicken legs thawing for homemade buffalo 'wings': Check
Homemade Deer Summer Sausage: Check
Sliced PepperJack chee' and crackers: Check
Homemade Bleu Chee sauce for 'wings': Check
**Fresh 'baked' No-Bake Cookies: Check
Dusted, sweeped, vacuumed, clean-clean house: Check
Laundry done: Check
Dishes done: Check
***K-State shirt and hoodie on: Check
Rockin' out to Dave Matthews: Check
****Cable to watch the game on:...SHIT!!!!  I knew I forgot something!

* I realize you can't call them 'chicken wings' technically when you are using legs to make them...but 1) Small town grocery stores don't sell wings and 2) Legs are OMG better and less mess for more meat!

** I also realize that if a cookie is called 'No-Bake' that you can't necessarily bake it.  But I like that it makes me sound like I worked harder in the kitchen to make them...even though it's really probably the easiest cookie in the world to make...unless you're my mom!  Much love mom, but they never set up really!  (And I gave half of them to our neighbor and wrote on the bag: 'Thank You Sidewalk Snow Remover!' since he always takes his fancy snow blower machine to our sidewalks also...much love!)

*** Yes, I admit it...I'm one of those that sports K-State gear even though I didn't graduate from there.  But, in my defense, purple is my favorite color, Claflin's mascot happens to be the Power Cat with the same school colors,  and it's just not the same to get all amped up over a Friends University game.

**** Oh, and we don't have cable.  We moved here, had cable...for free.  (I guess they forget to disconnect it when the last peeps moved out.)  So really smart me says: 'I know, I'll disconnect the cable cord from the TV and then call and get Internet for us and it'll be like 2 for the price of 1!  As soon as 'Mr. Internet Man' leaves, I'll plug the cable cord back in and he'll never know!'...and right now you all are like: 'Brilliant!'.  Except I didn't realize that 'Mr. Internet Man' was also called 'Mr. Cable Man' and apparently has 'Magic Tools' to tell if we are getting free cable.  Uh, needless to say 'Mr. Husband Man' was not thrilled with 'Mrs. Dumbass Me' and ever since we have successfully lived off DVD's and and life is great!  So take that...Damn the (cable)Man!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Happy Birthday My Love!

I would just like to take a minute to say, 'Happy Birthday' to my wonderful husband today!  He is a great son, brother, grandson, nephew, uncle, great nephew, cousin (I think I covered them all...oh, and add 'in-law' as well to all those!), and friend , but most importantly he is the greatest at being:


So here's to the man I married on the 4th of July, who wakes me with kisses every morning (no matter how grouchy I am), who laughs with me (and sometimes at me...but in a good way!), who is a great chef, my #1 supporter of all my ideas (dumb or not!), who can hang with my family almost better than I can, who let's the dog out at night when it's cold, and who has the best heart, smile, and laugh (and big brown eyes) that constantly keeps me going!  Thank you 'Pete' and I love you!

Here are some pics from the bday celebration in KC this past weekend:

Here's our fun dinner group: J and I, My sis and bro-in-law, and Trafton and Kerrie.
Thanks to all for the great dinner and company!

My sis and bro-in-law at the restaurant.  We ate at Blue Koi in KC.  If you ever get the chance to eat there, you must!!!

Terrible, I know!  It's the only one that I apparently got of us though during the entire night!

After dinner we went to The Jazz for some beer, 'bugs, and live jazz music!
It was a wonderful evening!!!

Happy Birthday to the man who is 13 months younger than me (and by no means does that round up to 2 years!).

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Sayonara Parasites

Adios amigos!  Arrivederci dudes!  Au revoir gentlemen!  Cheerio & good-day!  Tah-Tah creeps!

My new found friends!

So I just finished day 3 of what I like to call my 'Anti-Parasite Pack'.  Now I know what you're thinking right about now, 'What is she smoking!?!?'  Well, I'll try not to go into detail about some 'issues' I've been having over the last two years...but they have recently caused the doctor's decision for me to get a colonoscopy.  After having discussed some of the 'issues', my doctor asked if I'd traveled out of the country recently.  'No.  Well, we went to Costa Rica like two and a half years ago...but that was forever ago!'  Then it occurred to us both how long I'd been having some of my 'issues'.  

For anyone out there who may be fearful of having to gt a really shouldn't be!  I was more afraid of the anesthesia than anything else...mostly because I have a friend who lost her cat due to the fact that they had put it under with anesthesia for a simple, routine, procedure!  I know, I know, it was a cat and I'm not...but I'm sure that could happen to humans too!  I remembered nothing, I had no ill side effects afterwards (minus the fact I was starving!!!), and life was good.  Afterwards the doctor said:  'Everything looked just fine.  I didn't find any polyps.  I did do a washing while we were in there for you and took samples to send off to the lab'.  My first thought: 'Rock on!  A free colonic to boot!'  

Well, Mr. Doctorman called two days later and told me that my results came back from the lab and I tested positive for two parasites that are most commonly found in contaminated drinking water.  Who'd-uh-thunk-it!  He said that one of them is hardly ever heard of being found in the US.  I only drank bottled water in Costa Rica, but we ate at lots of who knows what they served to us for 'water'!  So, I had to take some medicine for three days and that was that!  You could imagine the jokes though!  Saturday we had a 'Going Away Party' for them...okay not really, but we went out with friends and drank so I called it that in my head.  J banned me from the hot tub because he was afraid he would get them! Really?  Come on now!  Anytime I was in a cranky mood this week I blamed it on the pissed off parasites in me slowly losing the battle!  Ha!  I could go on...but you get the jist!

I don't really feel all that different!  I'm not 100% convinced that this was the fix of all fixes, but it's a good start!  2010 is the year of Kristy's Health!  I will be heeeeeeealed! (said in thick southern preacher accent!).  I hope to get this all cleared up and solved this year so that we can work on more fun making babies!!!! 

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Cutey Puh-Tootie!

Once again I am a day late with a birthday posting, but at my rate I suppose it could be a lot worse!

Anywho, my fave nephew in AZ turned the big 2 yesterday and so in honor of the growing young man...(how sad...he's almost no longer a baby...more like toddler!) I found as many pics of him as I could from our wedding!  Which by the way, he was a ring bearer in the wedding along with my other nephew who is a good three months older.  My niece was the flower girl and is four.  Kai was the only one of them to actually walk down the aisle by himself without throwing a tantrum, getting a case of stage fright, and having a 'stomp, stomp, throw yourself down on the ground' fit!  So to that little man - 'KUDOS!'...and thanks for being so damn cute!!! Also realize this is the last birthday of the rest of your life that you'll get all the attention.  It's all down hill once baby Mia comes along...of course minus the showering of spoiling you'll continually get from Uncle J & Aunt K!

Okay, well we don't have one of Kai actually going down the aisle...probably because he was just that good! But here is proof of the tantrum (hence dad holding the flower girl) and stage fright.

Thanks to my brother-in-law / flower girl / 'co'-ring bearer

Ha!  He normally doesn't have that look on his face in pics!

Hmmm...there it is again...

Could possibly be a variation of 'the look'?....

This one makes me laugh every time I see it!  He LOVES him some cake and ice cream with dad!

100% Hammin' it up!

So serious!  It's like he's saying, 'Don't even get between me and this golf cart lady!'

Oh man, I need more dad!  Can't...get...enough!!!

Okay, well I said I'd post every picture of him I had...he's in there...near the upper left.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the cutest, smartest, most handsome little boy there is!!!

Much Love
Aunt Kristy!